Going Through the 5 Stages of Grief for UNC Football

"Hey Greg, we're gonna be awesome next year, lets go take a trip to celebrate"

Four years ago to the day I was a freshman at the University of North Carolina preparing to attend my first ever UNC Football game.  At the time Jon Bunting was the coach and most students I met at Carolina felt Tar Heel football was just a distraction (and a mediocre one at that) to hold us over until basketball season started.  I soon realized that UNC football did indeed suck as the team floundered to a 3-9 mark only beating Furman (by 3), NC State, and of course Duke (we sucked but we didn't suck that much).

However, when Bunting was shown the door at the end of the season and replaced by Butch Davis, an unfamiliar sense of optimism arose among the Tar Heel faithful.  This optimism was not as much rooted in a belief that Davis was a master strategist, but instead based on Butch's recruiting prowess.  In his first year he managed to bring in a monster (for UNC anyways) class headlined by top recruits Marvin Austin and Greg Little (cue foreshadowing music).

While the team was still unimpressive (amassing a 4-8 record) in Davis's first year, the team showed glimpses of talent.  With the development and addition of the talented recruits Davis was reeling in the Heels managed to put together consecutive winning seasons, each capped with a bowl appearance.  When a large group of talented juniors (mainly on the defensive side of the ball) decided to bypass the draft last spring, excitement was suddenly at almost record highs for the UNC football program.  The 2010-2011 would finally be the year when the Tar Heels established a football program that could at least be mentioned in the same paragraph as their basketball program....that was until about mid-July.

In the past month and a half, an investigation into the source of funding of one of Marvin Austin's summer trips has transformed into a full blown Inquisition into the entire football program.  Shockingly (sarcasm) we've found out that varsity athletes at major programs sometimes don't take their school's honor code seriously, and even have tutors write papers for them.  Regardless of how commonplace this actually is (and I'd venture to say it's pretty DAMN commonplace), UNC got caught and now 12 key players have been suspended for the opening game versus LSU tomorrow, including Marvin Austin who was indefinitely suspended. Given that the list of players suspended on the defensive end of the ball could be confused for Mel Kiper's Big Board, its relatively safe to say that expectations have dropped even lower than Glenn Beck's credibility. Ever since this fiasco began I have been going through the stages of grief for the North Carolina Football Program.

1) Denial- "I bet this is all just backlash of the Reggie Bush fiasco.  Marvin Austin probably didn't know he was breaking rules, but at worst he'll be suspended for a couple games and the team will be fine.  Right now this whole thing is being overblown"

In retrospect I was in more denial than Sammie Sweetheart was over her relationship with Ronnie through first five episodes of Jersey Shore.  And in this metaphor the press conference announcing the honor code infraction investigation was Snookie and JWoww's anonymous letter.  Wait, do I watch too much Jersey Shore?  Maybe I should just stop talking.....

2) Anger- "Why the hell did Marvin Austin tweet about his trip in the first place?  This is why college athletes shouldn't have twitter!  And who the hell brought up the tutor who wrote papers for players during the NCAA investigation? This is so unfair.  No one would have known anything if our players weren't such idiots!"

I still feel this way to some extent, and I am convinced this happens at almost all major programs.  However, I'm proud of UNC for valuing the concept of the student athlete.  I can think of some college basketball coaches who don't have the same values (Hint: his name rhymes with "Dawn Calimari")

3) Bargaining- "How can anyone know who got help from this tutor.  Look, I know Austin is going to be suspended for a significant portion of the season, but just let the rest of the team come out unscathed.  I'll accept a loss to LSU if the suspensions (outside of Austin and maybe Little) are only for a game."

This is ignoring the major bargain I'll always be willing to make.  If it comes down to our entire football program versus our basketball team being tarnished in the least, I'll grab a lawn chair and watch the UNC football team go down in smoke any day of the week.

This face doesn't exactly inspire hope

4) Depression- "This team is screwed.  We're going to go 4-8 because our offense still sucks and our defense is suspended.  Hell, forget this year's team, the entire program is screwed.  All our stars on defense are seniors and we're going to lose all our recruits after this.  Is it really still two months until basketball starts?"

Some of these things are still distinctly possible.  And if the investigation turns out to show that Butch Davis was involved he's out the door.  The man looked like he had just watched a family member die at last week's press conference.  Still I think that in all likelihood the program will not go down in flames, even if this season does.

5) Acceptance- "Unless our team overachieves versus LSU, we're going to lose tomorrow night.  UNC may not make a bowl and almost certainly won't win the ACC, unless the suspensions are only for one game.  Still Bryn Renner has shown promise and our defense still has talented albeit inexperienced players.  This is probably a 6-6 team that will surprise some people, but our shot at a contending football program may have gone down the tube."

In other words:

The Thrill is Gone

Most years by the time August rolls around I have only one thing on my mind when it comes to sports: The NFL. While last season was a disappointing one for the teams I cheer for, at the end of last year's Super Bowl, I was pumped for the 2010-2011 NFL Season.

Fast forward five months and nearly all of the excitement has dissipated. I've tried on several occasions to write NFL-related posts and couldn't come up with jack. I'm sure part of the reason for my dip in interest has to do with the vast decrease in free time that accompanies the start of medical school. I no longer have time to research stats for fantasy football, read training camp previews from 5 different websites, or play the entire upcoming season on Madden between the start of training camp and opening night.

Yet while I won't be able to do those things, their absence is not at the root of my lack of enthusiasm for the upcoming NFL season. I have tried to figure out exactly what happened in that five month span to cause such a drastic dip in interest and here is what I have come up with.


1) For the first time ever, I'm finding it hard to cheer for my team

God I hate him

Look, the Steelers, who seemed legitimate candidates to repeat as Super Bowl champs last August, had a disappointing year in 2009-2010.  There is no denying that.  However, it was not what happened between week 1 and week 17 that made my blood a little less black and gold.  Instead it was just one guy: Ben Roethlisberger. I had always suspected that Big Ben looked at himself as somewhat of an invincible superhero.  From refusing to take a sack in the pocket to his infamous motorcycle crash when he wasn't wearing a helmet, Roethlisberger always seemed to be a bit of an idiot.  But I was fine with that.  People care if their doctors, lawyers, and accountants are intelligent, not so much NFL quarterbacks.

Consequently, I was fine having a guy whose IQ rivaled Snookie's as my favorite team's quarterback.  That all changed however when the news came out that he took advantage of a 20 year old girl in a bathroom stall. A few weeks later, a feature in Sports Illustrated discussed his continued riding of motorcycles without a helmet and a general pattern of douchebaggery throughout the city of Pittsburgh .

Around the same time, the Steelers cut loose of  Santonio Holmes who had a breakout season in 2009-2010, but also had a series of legal issues since he joined the team.  Despite several rumors of attempted trades, Ben Rapelisberger still remains the QB of the Steelers going into the season.  I understand that it's hard for a front office to cut loose of a QB who has brought the organization two Super Bowls, but as a fan I just can't bring myself to cheer for a guy like that.

Ideally, the Steelers would have traded Roethlisberger for a second round pick (or even cut him if it came down to it) and drafted Jimmy Clausen with their second round pick.  This coming season I would probably be cheering for a talented team with Byron Leftwich, Dennis Dixon, or Clausen at quarterback.  Yeah that team would probably miss the playoffs, but at the end of the day I would have fun cheering the team on to an 8-8 finish, knowing my team's quarterback hadn't violated a girl three years younger than me.  Anyways, I've seen the Steelers win two Super Bowls, I could deal with a down year.  Instead I'm stuck with Rapelisberger.


2) On the flip side, I'm don't have a team to hate

Maybe the fact this picture makes me want to vomit is a good thing 

If you took a poll of who was the most hated team in the NFL anytime between 2003 and 2008, the New England Patriots would have won in a landslide.  Two years after David Tyree took down the most dominant and perhaps most hated team in NFL history with a miracle catch, the Patriots dynasty has been officially put to rest.  The fact is that the Pats have not won a Super Bowl since 2004 and that in that time no team has been able to quite take their place.  The Colts blew their chance this February, the Steelers have followed up both their Super Bowl seasons by missing the playoffs, the Giants seem to have been a flash in the pan, and the Saints just aren't that hateable.

Without an antagonist, the exploits of a protagonist become less significant, and that is the case with the upcoming NFL season.  Having a team to cheer against can be just as important as having on to cheer for.  That said I do think there are four possible teams that could take the role if the cards fall right the Patriots, the Jets, and the Cowboys.  If the Patriots get off to a hot start and win 7 or 8 straight games, they could easily regain their title as public enemy #1.   The Cowboys are always a threat to be the NFL's antagonist just based on principle.  The Jets have amassed a lot of talent this offseason and clearly have an air of cockiness to their game, and a coach who doesn't do much to filter his thoughts.

The wild card is if Rapelisberger's suspension gets reduced, the Pittsburgh starts winning, and the Steelers instantly become the most hated team in the NFL (see this season really is lose-lose for a Steelers fan).


3) The NFL offseason storylines have become trite
It seems like at the moment 90% of offseason storylines fall into one of three categories: 1) Player X got in trouble with the law 2) Player X is holding out for more money 3) Brett Favre may or may not retire.  With regards to the first, honestly I just don't care.  Put the person in jail, suspend him a few games, or do nothing (depending on the offense).  Just don't spend 25 minutes talking about it on Sportscenter.  With regards to the second, the NFL instantly needs to go to slotted salaries for the draft like the NBA.  Rookies haven't proven anything and thus don't deserve $50 million over four years.  Just like every job, you need to produce results to demand a higher salary.  As to the third point will someone just man up and take a shot at Favre's knees during the preseason and end all this nonsense.


4) The aren't as many exciting personalities in the league anymore

Back in 2005, you had T.O. when he was still scoring touchdowns and doing driveway sit-ups and you had Steve Smith and the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson seeing who could come up with the most innovative end zone celebrations.  Fast forward to 2010 and all of the great personalities in the league have either washed up (T.O.), toned it down (Steve Smith), or become parodies of themselves (Chad Ochocinco).  Yes the Bengals might as well put Pauly D in the slot this season to cement their reality show at WR, but it all feels a bit contrived.  Outside of Cincinnati the only exciting personality in the league is Rex Ryan.  I'm not sure if this trend is due to a change in attitude among younger NFL players, or if Roger Goodell has actually managed to turn the NFL into the "No Fun League".  Either way, despite what Goodell would like to think the NFL is an entertainment industry whose primary audience is males between the ages of 13 and 40, not a Fortune 500 company.

All of this said, perhaps when the actual season rolls around my excitement for the NFL will be back at full force.  Maybe some team will get desperate at the beginning of the season and offer up a first round pick for Rapelisberger.  Maybe the Patriots or the Jets will unify NFL fanbases by taking up the mantle of NFL Public Enemy #1.  Maybe the Ochocinco & TO combination will have a trickle down effect and make the league more fun again.  Maybe.  All I do know is that when it comes to the NFL offseason the thrill is gone.

23 Reasons LeBron Will Never Be MJ

A lot of talking heads have said that with his decision to join Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami, LeBron effectively destroyed his chance to ever reach Michael Jordan's level.  However if LeBron manages to average a triple double and the Heat win 70+ games, the comparisons will inevitably pop right back up.  While professional journalists and columnists much more talented than myself will no doubt analyze in depth whether LeBron has reached His Airness in the future, here are 23 quick reasons why LeBron won't ever be like mike. 

1) MJ: 6 Rings, 6 Finals MVPs
    LBJ: 0 Rings, 1 Finals appearance

2) Be Like Mike (No Way LeBron ever comes Close to Pulling this off)

 


3) Dwyane Wade's Miami Heat

4) 

No Matter How Many Titles LeBron wins in Miami, He'll never win one of these

5) Speaking of UNC, Video Evidence of Jordan's Superiority #1: NCAA Finals vs Georgetown


6) MJ: 10 Scoring Titles (NBA Record), 7 Consecutive Scoring Titles (NBA Record)
    LBJ: 1 Scoring title

7) Video Evidence of Jordan's Superiority #2: The Shrug


8) Jordan's most memorable media announcement was a two word press release: "I'm Back"
LeBron's most memorable media announcement was an overblown one-hour Sportscenter special.

9) Jordan wanted to beat the best players of his era, LeBron wants to play alongside them

10) 1992 "Dream Team" > 2008 "Redeem Team"
 
11)  This is how MJ puts a dagger in the heart of Cleveland


12) And this is how LeBron puts a dagger in the heart of Cleveland


13) SPACE JAM

One of the Greatest Movies Ever Made

14) "There's Michael Jordan and then there is the rest of us."
       -Magic Johnson (5 time NBA Champion)

15)  Video Evidence of Jordan's Superiority #3: The Cradle


16) The Air Jordans

17) MJ won the Slam Dunk Contest twice, beating out Dominique Williams who also was an amazing dunker.  LeBron has never competed in the Slam Dunk Contest.

18) "90 percent of what I’ve learned and what I’ve figured out comes from [Michael Jordan]"

      -Kobe Bryant (5 time NBA champion)

19) Jordan learned the game under Dean Smith, one of the top college coaches of all time and one of the highest character people in the history of college basketball.  LeBron skipped college.

20) Video Evidence of Jordan's Superiority #4: "The Flu Game"



21) These Three Commercials:







22) Video Evidence of Jordan's Superiority #5: Last Shot as a Chicago Bull


23)"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
-Michael Jordan

"I'm going to take my talents to South Beach"
-LeBron James